Storytelling brings out more than the story itself.

Whether you are part of a group, a network, an organization, a community, or just a large family, you have probably either been the focus of a rumor or a tall tale. Let me preface this rant as not in response to any particular rumor or tale currently circulating out there. This posting is not in dispute of any specific comment that might appear to need a defense for someone or some people. Nor, is it targetted to any individual or group out there specifically. To the contrary, this is just one man's thought process bubbling forward into words. Every once in awhile, in the groups that I volunteer and socialize with, I come across someone commenting on someone else's behavior, actions, or words spoken and I observe the course of the comment into a tale that can be compared to a graphic novel by the time it has run its course. It is just funny sometimes, but at the same time it can be pretty sad. I am a thinker. So, I take the time to look at things in a certain analyticaly way. Today, I have done that with "tall tales".

It's not always the message that tells the tale.
Sometimes the messenger or where you get the information tells an even bigger tale than what happened originally. Based on some of my work experience and academic background in counseling, psychology, and communications, I am given proof time and time again how merciless some folks can be and how some things that we would consider small and insignificant when they are right before us can be illuminated into tales of twisted torment, unusual cruelty, secretive exploits, lewd and lucivious conduct, foresaken morales, and harsh and menacing attacks. We may laugh, but you know it is true. It is often not that people are looking for a noose for hanging any person, but it is actually just a story that is spun depending upon factors that have nothing to do with the story itself. One person tells another. Of course, in a era when we all have such a short attention span, the teller must take just a little literary license to grab the other person's attention long enough to tell the story. Then, the next person adds just a little more to grab another's attention. And so on and so on. That's called the "life of the communication cycle." Just a fact of how things go on from one person to another.

Emotions play a part in storytelling.
The fact that a person's relationship with the subject of the story plays a part is always somewhat self-evident. For example, if the person doesn't care much for (or even down right doesn't like ) the person the story is about, then the exploits or damage done might just come out to sound a little more devastating than the reality of the situation. Or, if the storyteller isn't having such a good day that day, you know there has to be some avenue they can vent and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know it will come out in the story. One example is called "passive aggressive" behavior, where a person has their own demons going on inside them from depression, insecurities, anger, or just not at their best, and it comes out in everything that they do. Sometimes folks don't even realize they are doing it. Sometimes it can be hurtful and regretted later, but done while they are totally unaware because they are at odds with those feelings that are tormenting them. Another way is "transferrence" in which the storyline reflects something in the past of the story teller (or even the receiver) and parts are automatically assumed due to their experience of the situation or fragments of it. This happens alot. Often times, it is fed by our short attention span. We assume a great deal so that we don't have to hear it all or we are emotionally attached to a part of story and just assume that whatever is being discussed was "exactly" what has happened to us. The unfortunate nature of things, is that this is only true in a small percentage (probably less than 1%) of the time because everyone handles things differently, (unless it is completely scripted) all interactions are different, different people are part of the situations, days and times are different, and so forth and so forth. All these variable play a significant role in story telling, even under the radar (or not noticed) by the story teller and receiver. Shoot! There is one communication study that tells us that words in general only make up a fraction of the message between two people when conversing back and forth. There are so many other elements involved.

Take what you hear at face value for what it really is.
Look, if you are like me, you take comments about people in general at a "less than face" value. Even the kindest or the wisest of people can be caught off guard one day and add just a little more animation to a story that puts the subject person in a worse light than they deserve. So, objectivity and understanding are probably the best methods of ensuring truth and avoiding ill practices that can hurt others. Go into a conversation with the attitude that it happened to someone else and even if we have a history with some of it, this experience is unique. Realize the story teller may be adding a little to the tale and seek out the parts that are closer to facts. Sometimes, you hear the story from more than one source and you can easily tell what is consistent and what is "window dressing". If you are story teller, realize that if the facts of the tale are not enough to grip the other person's attention, then the story just plain isn't worthy to tell and everytime you tell it and add on to it, there is another person who sees beyond the story and mentally jots you down as a "teller of tall tales" and waters down your credibility for those stories that you are more committed to in the future. Just a fact of life!

Does this mean if you hear someone has done something illegal, don't tell anyone? Of course not, tell the appropriate people what you know. Stick with the facts only. If you heard it from someone, then explain that you heard it and let them know who to contact.

Does this mean if someone has done something that is harmful to themself or others, including telling a tall tale when you know the facts, you should just let it go? Well, that is a tough one. If you are to confront them, I would do so individually as not to publically put the story teller down. However you decide to do it, do it with a calm attitude and an objective outlook. It is not a crusade, but you can let them you know that you were there and just wanted to make sure that they got the right facts so that they don't look bad telling the wrong story. If it doesn't work, then let it go. At that point, it is their credibility at stake... not yours. But, in your own mind, rest assured that you have the benefit of knowing the truth.

There are many other scenarios. And no "cookie cutter" way of handling things is appropriate. As with anything that relates to people, emotions, and attitudes, each situation can be different. The best case scenario is that you don't tell these type of stories or at least you are now aware of all the other ingredients that are a part of stirring the pot.

This is just one guy observing how things take place around him. As with anything, I have seen it time and time again and one particular tall tale just reminded me about some notes I had about this particular subject and thought I would share. I am sure I am not the most articulate writer, but consider this just cranial overflow from an everyday observer of people. After all, I am sure there are lurkers and observers of my words, actions, and behvaiors. It is just human nature. Have a great day and an even greater life!